Book – The Book With No Pictures

Author – BJ Novak

Pages – 48

Year – 2014

Genre – Children’s

Bought for me by Oliver Walsh

I read books to show I am clever. I mean, what is more important in life than looking more intelligent than other people? As such, I was incredibly excited when my good friend Mr Oliver Walsh, three years old, bought me this as a Christmas present. Excellent, I thought, Ollie is a highly intelligent chap himself. This is probably akin to Shakespeare, Austen, Joyce or Orwell. Probably a literary feast on which I can dine out for years to come. It was with no fear that I took it to him last night to read.

Unfortunately, it would appear that I should reappraise everything I ever thought I knew about young Mr Walsh. This book was a trick! Under the guise of me being an adult, and he a child, it transpired that I has to read every word in the book, out loud, as written. Acceptable under most circumstances. But this is the first book I have read with the word “Blarf”. Or the world “Blorg”. Or the sentence “I am a monkey brain”. In fact, the whole thing seemed deliberately designed to make me look very silly by saying as many stupid sentences as possible – an aim that I further believe it true because it explicitly says so in the book itself!

Of course, as a fine upstanding friend, I looked to Oliver to support me in my outrage as I realised what was happening, hoping that he would be equally upset on my behalf. Instead, what did I turn to see? A boy sitting there laughing so hard at my misfortune, and all the silly words I was saying, that he had turned as red as a beetroot! It had been his plan all along to humiliate me! He knew what a fool I would look and had nevertheless made me go ahead and read this book!

Well, I have never been so embarrassed in all of my days. It would seem that Ollie is a devious mastermind capable of undermining me in the most cunning manner. I shall think twice before I next trust him with a book recommendation. Although, that Gruffalo book looks interesting…

9/10 (Although by all rights it should be a -1/10)